Name: Marc Schaefgen
Instrument: Guitar, Vocals, Twiddly Bits
Chess piece: Knight
Captain: Crunch
Quote: “Don't get me started on the 'Tap”
Turn Ons: Women
Turn Offs: Women who talk

Marc “Knighty Knight” Schaefgen was betrothed to the guitar at the dawn of the 80’s when skate punk was king and all this crap he’s playing now was just complete shite! But as time drew nigh, Knighty’s passion for music grew and matured into other musical offerings such as, jazz, funk, ska, reggae, blues, and most other music except top 40 pop and country. Once he figured out that less is more, and seventh chords aren’t necessarily better than a triad, he was finally ready to play to the world again. When asked, he was more than honored to take up a post as one of the Captains. Marc serves milord as guitarist, vocalist and smiter of all that is un-cool.

Linda “Queen of Hearts” Law plays the bass for one simple reason: the bass is sex. Go away. Don’t bother the queen now. She’s busy playing. And without her, the Captains of the Chess Team would be bottomless, and nobody wants to see that. Or maybe you do! Besides, the position of other-other-guitar was already filled. She hates to memorize bass lines, preferring to just feel what she wants to play, which means it was a very foolish thing for her to start a band that requires her to learn bass lines.

Name: George Sanger
Instrument: Three-Cable Variax, Vocals, Cowbell
Chess Piece: King
Captain: Kurosaki Isshin
Quote: “Sometimes Life hands you a Limo”
Turn Ons: Pirates and Band Politics
Turn Offs: When certain people around here, and I think they know who they are, don't help with the equipment and also don't rock 'cause they don't have “it.” Oh, wait. That's a turn on.

His Holy Majesty Col. Rev. King George “The Fat Man” Sanger, Patron Saint of the Nerds, has been called a legend, a myth, late for dinner, a collector of epithets, and by Destiny to play guitar in The Captains. Now is the time for him to take his place alongside these other icons and just Be in the Frickin' Band. And for cripes sakes try to tune that thing.

Artie: I don't care if you drove through a mountain in Texas. This is New Jersey, and when you play my... when you play my joint, you're just another act. I want some music out'a you characters!
Reno: You want it, Artie? You got it.

Name: Scott Snyder
Instrument: Vocals, Reverend Club King HB guitar, Faire-speak
Chess Piece: Bishop
Captain: Eo
Quote: “It's not my fault. Those other nerds copied me.”
Turn Ons: Guitars, Vacuum Tubes, AD&D 3.5, Science Fiction Conventions
Turn Offs: Blue Screen of Death, Internet Trolls, Light Switches

Captain "Right Reverend" W. Scott “Smokin' Bishop” Snyder plays the OTHER other guitar in the band, which suits him fine because when he gets distracted by someone in the audience and stops playing, no one really notices. Of course, the trade off for this is that he has to sing most of the songs in order to earn his place in the line-up. When asked to join the Captains, he was honored to finally be a part of a group with this much rankness in it. As Bishop, Scott has responsibility for the spiritual connectivity of the band, which accounts for the incense and the insistence on nude band chanting before every show.

Name: Mitchell Westmoreland
Instrument: Whatever's left
Chess Piece: Rook
Captain: Black Barty
Quote: "This won't hurt a bit."
Turn Ons: arrays of arrays, chromatic mediant relationships, tritones, chmod 666, bass players that don't use picks, 18" floor toms, slow music
Turn Offs: wearing tight underwear, your mamma, chmod 777, crappy food, harmony, paying for your healthcare

Mitchell "r00k.exe" Westmoreland is a master at composition and deconstruction, but is less capable in areas of construction and decomposition. He enjoys box wine. Box wine! But only right after having consumed copious amounts of good wine. This is a lesson in personal financial management that we can all use during the current economic downturn.